notdrfrasier | (no subject)

Entry tags:

joshua,
tabula rasa

(no subject)

Leaning against the side of her bed, Carolyn looked down at the pile of clothing before her in absolute shock. She'd just spent part of the morning actually cleaning out the hut, wanting to get rid of things that she just wouldn't find useful. It was when she was cleaning out the wardrobe that she'd found a box that was full of small pieces of clothing.

Clothing for a child. For a baby.

She really hadn't known what to think. And so for the past hour she hadn't done anything much more than pick up random things from the box and hold it. She didn't know what she thought might happen from it - maybe a spark of recognition? But again, nothing had happened.

Sighing, her eyebrows furrowed and she looked down at the delicate yellow onesie that she held between her hands and shook her head. Swallowing, she tossed it back in the box and with an angry kick, and sent it skidding across the room.

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Even though he'd apologized about snapping at her when he was sick, he still felt a little bit of guilt. He'd spent a long time suppressing emotions around Anna and it was a little embarrassing that a simple cold had made him snap so easily.

Besides she was still stuck in that cast. The least he could do was return the favor. He knocked on her door. "Carolyn, it's me, Joshua."

Just because most people kept their windows and doors open for the breeze and the whole lack of glass didn't mean one should necessarily do away with common courtesies.

Hearing the knock on the door and then Joshua's voice, Carolyn carefully climbed to her feet and ran a hand over her hair and then her clothes. Glancing over at the box one last time, she hobbled over to her door and pulled it open.

Somehow she managed a very small smile that didn't quite reach her eyes as she looked at him. "Joshua, I wasn't expecting you..."

"What's wrong?" he asks, taking a guess that her greeting indicated something not right. "Or were you simply expecting someone else?"

"I'm not sure," Carolyn admitted and stepped back, motioning for him to come inside. "I'm cleaning out my hut, clearing some of the stuff the other version of me had in here." She glanced over at the box of baby clothes and fought the urge to give it another kick.

He follows her inside and looks down at the box. "Those clothes look too..." he starts and then stops as he crouches down and reaches into the box. "These are definitely too small for you. Was the other your pregnant?"

He wonders if someone he's missed that detail in their conversations. Or if, worse yet, she didn't know this particular detail.

"I don't know," Carolyn admitted, sounding almost apologetic. "No one's really talked about the me. I mean I tried talking to Colonel Mitchell about her but he always changed the subject."

She hobbled over to one of her chairs and sank down. "Maybe she was just... collecting baby clothes for someone. I mean people have had babies on the island, right?" It's probably not likely, but it's easier to think that way.

He gives her a look that clearly says he thinks that's very unlikely. "A box full of clothes that she was collecting for someone else?"

She shot him a stubborn look. "Well maybe!" But she sighed then and shook her head. "OK, I probably wouldn't do something like that so it's probable she wouldn't have either.... But wouldn't some have told me something like that?"

He moves to an empty chair, finding his current position a bit uncomfortable for carrying on a conversation.

"How exactly would you go about telling someone that?" he asks.

She looks down at her hands and shrugs. "I don't know. But..." She really didn't know what she wanted to say after the but. Looking up she licked her lips. "Maybe it's why certain people from back home have been avoiding me. I mean, maybe they didn't know how to tell me."

It's an awkward situation all around. One that very few people probably had any experience and likely all that did have experience with it could all be found on Tabula Rasa.

"That could definitely explain it," he replies at last. He feels like he should say something else, but nothing comes to mind in the particular situation.

It is very awkward, but it also makes her a little mad. She doesn't like being caught off guard like this and can't help but feel a little betrayed by the people she'd known from back home.

If she'd found this stuff earlier, she could have asked Harry since he'd mentioned knowing the other her - but he was gone now.

Looking over at the wardrobe she'd found the box in, she pushed to her feet. "Maybe there's more in there to explain...."

He can't help feeling a little bit of deja vu. Juliet has memories of things she doesn't remember ever doing and Carolyn is finding things from a previous life she never lived.

"Maybe you kept a diary?" he suggests, trying to lighten the mood while also hoping it's true. He stands more to support her than out of curiosity of what might be in the wardrobe.

"I don't know," she said, her head whipping around as though she might actually catch sight of one. "I've never been the type to write a diary. Moreso after I worked at the SGC. YOu know, top secret stuff and all."

But just to make sure, she leans over to peer under the bed - just incase.

"Yeah. I know what you mean. Diaries can do more harm than good. Especially if you don't want to remember what you're doing," he says. "Or if you've already logged it all in your medical reports. Why write the same thing twice?"

He's glancing at the wardrobe, peering into it without really going through it. He's always been curious, but he's also always been cautious.

"I've just never been the type to word my feelings all that well, so I never saw the point in trying to write in one. My mom use to buy me journals and stuff for birthdays and Christmas but I never used them so she finally stopped buying me them." she continued to explain as she stood up straight and moved to the wardrobe.

Pushing aside the clothes that she'd gotten out of the clothing box, she frowned at the couple of boxes which were stacked inside. "Would you mind helping me pull these out?"

"Of course. Where do you want them?" he asks.

"On the floor," she said and then realized how that sounded and flashed him a small smile. "Oh the floor over by the chairs so I can sit more comfortably while going through them."

He obliges and pushes the boxes over to the nearest chair. "Do you want me to stick around?" he asks, not wanting to overstay his welcome or go through her stuff, or her previous self's belongings, without her say so.

"Well if you don't mind, I could use the company," she said as she began to dig through the first box. "If you're thirsty, you know my coffee pot is full like always."

He smiles at the idea of coffee being a refreshing, thirst-quenching drink. "I'm fine, thanks."

He opens the nearest box. It's full of clothing which isn't really surprising. It's the size of some of the clothes that's interesting. They're way larger than something Carolyn might wear.

The box that Carolyn was going through didn't hold any clothing, but it did have some books which she thought she might find interesting. Looking over at Joshua she arched an eyebrow and hoped he wasn't looking at what she thought he might be.

"Uh, Joshua? Are those... maternity clothes?"

"I guess that might explain the size," he says, looking over at her as he holds up a maternity dress. He's not even sure what he should say next so he simply puts the dress down and looks through the rest of the clothing.

"Looks like it's all the same kind of stuff."

"I guess so," she sighed, pushing her own box aside so she could pick up a pair of maternity pants. Holding them up, her eyes widened a bit. "She was quite far along in her pregnancy by the looks of these...."

Tossing the pants back into the box, she leaned back in her chair. Her eyebrows furrowed and she stared at the box in front of Joshua, lost in thought for several moments. Again her eyes widened as she remembered something. "Joshua... Do you remember telling me about when you met Colonel Mitchell? You don't think... Do you?"

Joshua considers her suggestion for a moment. "Maybe that explains why I heard your voice coming from his hut when you weren't actually there. I'm not sure how exactly." Maybe Colonel Mitchell had a video recording of her. It's always possible.

"Well he would, I suppose, make sense..." she murmured, trying to think logivally instead of emotionally. There was nothing to get emotional over. It hadn't been her, it had obviously been an alternate reality of her.

She looked over at Joshua again and shrugged. "Colonel Mitchell and I had, I don't know... Had a 'thing' in the past. But we both went seperate ways and then ended up working together at the SGC. We decided that we needed to keep things professional. Obviously that went out the window when he and the other me showed up here."

Joshua smiles at this. He has no real experience in relationships or having a thing, apart from what Juliet said to him--something which he is not thinking about today, but he has studied humanity. And he knows first hand what it's like to be all alone on Tabula Rasa.

"Maybe it started off professionally," he adds, trying to be helpful.

"Maybe," Carolyn conceded, though eyed the box a little warily. "It doesn't make any of this any less or the fact that you heard my voice coming from his hut any less creepy."

"That's certainly true. Nor the way he's been acting toward you. Perhaps he just can't deal with it?" Joshua has a difficult time explaining Colonel Mitchell's behavior other than that of a man deeply wounded.

"Maybe," she agreed again. She was silent for a moment and her frown deepened. "Alright, this... This whole thing is just strange. And you know... I feel bad for Colonel Mitchell, I really do. But the fact that he just let me think that I'd done something wrong? That makes me a little mad."

"That seems like a reasonable response to the whole situation. You should probably talk to him."

"I don't think I want to," she said and looked away. She wasn't good with immediately confronting people she was angry at. She was very good at holding the anger in and letting it build though.

Sighing, she moved her attention back to Joshua. "I mean, what would I even say to him? 'Hey! Was the other me pregnant by you and that's why you've been avoiding me like the plague?'" She shook her head. "That's actually a conversation I'd rather not have."

"It's a difficult conversation, but why wouldn't you put it to him exactly like that?" Sometimes it's best to just be direct.

"I suppose I should," Carolyn muttered, shifting her attention back to her cast. She doesn't like feeling like this. Pissed off and hurt all rolled into one. It wasn't the fact that the other her had been pregnant, it was more how Cam had treated her since she'd shown up. So maybe if she confronted him, she could move on with things and that? That would be a good thing.

"I haven't even seen him lately. I think he's holed himself up in that hut of his."

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